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Joke of the Day
"Where does the Federal Reserve hide all of its dirty profits? In debasement."
Next Joke
"Me: Sorry, I can't tonight. I already made plans. Him: That's too bad. There's going to be open bar and-- Me: What time should I be there?"
"I've decided to avoid Turkey this Thanksgiving... Way too close to Syria."
"My 13 year old told me this joke.... Him: I want to start a dating website for Indians.... Me: a dating website for indians? [scratching my head wtf] Him: yeah I am going to call it connect the dots."
"/r/jokes pretends that it has more than 1000x as many subscribers as it actually has... as a joke! http://imgur.com/wYy6m"
"""Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain streaking"" [pilot darts out of the cockpit completely naked]"
"What do you call a group of ears? A heard"
"[an octopus seeing a snake for the first time] OMG a foot!"
"Just because it's Friday the 13th, people seem to think that horrible things are going to happen, like another shitty horror movie being released."
"Using a remote control is the closest most of us get to being wizards."