175135

Joke of the Day

"I like my women like I like my carrots... Chopped up, in a plastic bag at the back of the freezer."

"What's the difference between r/circlejerk and r/The_Donald? No really. What is it?"

"Why can't a blonde dial 911? She can't find the eleven"

"''Ah fuck it"" -Me. Making decisions."

"""That's what she said"" jokes will always be funny, but... I've only heard a couple of attempts at ""That's what he said"" jokes. Let's see what you got."

"The police caught a man masturbating in public. As they were arrestng him, they told him, ""You came in the wrong neighborhood."""

"What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb. Yes, I know this is a 30+ year old joke, but hope it gave some people a chuckle"

"What do you call an Anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese! -From *Cedar Rapids* the movie"

"Me: so I've been a little unclear regarding everything you've asked me to do since Monday Boss: Jesus Me: let me finish. In February. 2011."

"How did the dog feel when he lost his flashlight? Delighted."