175009

Joke of the Day

"I rolled over and saw a girl laying in bed next to me. ""How the fuck did you get in here?"" I asked. She said, ""You don't remember last night, do you?"" ""I do,"" I replied, ""But my hallway is narrow."""

Next Joke
 
"I like the fact that Harriet Tubman will be on the $20 bill. It's good to have a black woman represented on American money. It just sucks that it will only be worth $12."
"[landlord showing new tenant around] ""No smoking allowed"" ""How about pets?"" ""That's fine"" [dog walks in and lights up] ""We'll take it"""
"Kim - Where is North West? Kanye - *takes out compass* Kim - I mean my baby! Kanye - I'm right here. Kim - Jesus Kanye! Kanye - Yeezus*"
"[date] HER: So do you like Star Wars? ME: Oh yeah HER: Who's your favorite character? ME: *nervously looking at smudged notes* Yoga"
"Why did the UN outlaw diet pills? Because they're weapons of mass destruction."
"How many cow-lories does a cheeseburger have? Moo many..."
"What connects The Sixth Sense and Titanic? Icy dead people."
"How do you put out a maxipad fire? You tampon it."
"If there's another explanation for my gray hairs other than I'm turning into a polar bear, I don't want to hear it. Don't ruin this for me."