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Joke of the Day

"If Twitter adds an edit button you'll retweet ""I like kittens"" and ten minutes later it'll say ""I drink period blood."""

"[Checking in at Comic Con] Attendant: How long did you spend on your cosplay? Me: Seven months A: *Hands me a badge marked ""Casual""*"

"Why did the chicken cross the road... Because he wanted to say hello from the other side"

"I renamed my iPod to Titanic... it's syncing now!"

"I pulled a disabled girl in the pub last night... ...the handle on her wheelchair was caught in my jacket."

"What do men and hardwood flooring have in common? Lay 'em right the first time and you can walk all over them the rest of your life!"

"Two guys talking ""Tell me , have you ever been awakened by a blowjob?"" ""No ,i always sleep with my mouth shut."""

"Why did Lamar give money to Kobe? Because Lamar Odom"

"""Did you bring your LIST?"" -Everyone who sees Craig at the supermarket, probably"

"I asked the waitress for a quickie and she slapped me. The old woman next to me said, ""It's pronounced 'quiche', dear."""