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Joke of the Day

"You know when you read a page of a book and then realize you didn't absorb any of it? I think I did that with my life."

"I slept with a girl the other day, she called me daddy. I guess I have a Freudian prick"

"I wish I hadn't spoken French to my cat. Now he thinks he's the king of Iran."

"Q: What lives in the sea and yells? A: A clam shouter."

"Step On A Crack and Break Your Mother's Back... Smoke some crack and break your mother's heart."

"Pilot: Tower there's a runway light burning. Tower: I'm sure there must be dozens of lights burning. Pilot: Sorry I mean it's smoking."

"How many dub-step artists does it take to clean a bathtub? 100\. One to actually clean it, and 99 to talk about how dirty it is."

"What does a Mexican duck say? GUACK"

"Decaf means something is very, very Dec."

"(I rest my foot on a woman's purse as she's walking down the street) hey how's it going"