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Joke of the Day

"Great opinion from a stupid girl ! Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Boy: What are the two things? Girl: Your feet."

"Ever want to have rodeo sex? Get on top and call her by the wrong name and try and hold on for 8 seconds."

"How do you make Hitler kill himself? Give him his gas bill."

"""you yelled 'this is not my daddy!' when i picked you up to leave the store. you're lucky i let you live"" -how dad signs my birthday cards"

"So I broke up with my girlfriend because our signs didn't match... ...I'm a Sagittarius, and she's a bitch."

"If I had a dollar every time someone called my mother a whore... I'd be the richest client she ever had"

"If I am attacked by a group of clowns..... should I always go for the juggler?"

"*Bruno Mars on the radio* Wife: Would you catch a grenade for me? Brain: Just say, YES! Me: Has the pin been pulled? Brain: Idiot!"

"I've spent today analysing some statistics about how drunk people walk. They're just staggering."

"Ever had sex while camping? It's fucking in tents! ...I'll see myself out."