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Joke of the Day

"[Drug deal] How do I know you're not a cop -If I was a cop would I do this? *Starts breakdancing* Thats not as much proof as you think it is"

"I hate it when people don't behave the way I thought they would when I rehearsed the conversation in my head."

"I'm starting a tent business. My first sales event will be called the ""Tent Offensive"""

"The autopsy is going to show that the elevator tried to bring Prince down. Go crazy."

"How do dolphins send messages? By sea-mail."

"What the Mayans taught me The Mayans taught me that if you don't finish something, it's not really the end of the world."

"Need a Polygon ? Why not Trape**z**oidberg"

"Knock Knock... *Who's there?* nine-eleven... *nine-eleven who?* **You said you'd never forget!** edit: i accidentally wrote it incorrectly; my sincerest apologies."

"Why do men sound like they're having an orgasm when they're lifting weights? And why is my father lifting weights in the bathroom?"

"I wish some people could actually see their personality when they look in a mirror."