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Joke of the Day

"If I watch a meteor shower Does it feel violated? (x-post shittyaskscience)"

"I Messed up a Customer's Sandwich Order Today... Oh shit, nevermind, wrong sub"

"Putin persecutes homosexuals in his own country... ...then goes and enters another country through the back door? Very mixed messages from Russia."

"If my wife ends an argument with ""Fine, do what you want!"" I'm pretty sure the words ""If you do, I'll stab you in your sleep"" are implied."

"What's the difference between mayonnaise and sperm? Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back if my girlfriend's throat at 60 miles per hour."

"Have you heard about the humble farmer? He's a grower, not a shower."

"What's the difference between Paul Walker and My Computer? I actually care when my computer crashes"

"I'm about to have sex with my second cousin. Hopefully she's as good as the first one."

"I'm really good with cars, man. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's going. - Mitch Hedberg"

"Advertisement: Dog for sale. Really gentle. Eats anything. Especially fond of children."