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Joke of the Day

"How many qataris does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just make the nepalese do it."

"Did you hear about the weird music that plays at Mozarts grave.... Don't worry, He's decomposing."

"I never ask for people to send me thoughts & prayers but, while sitting at Starbucks a man standing behind me farted on my shoulder."

"*Answers door naked* Jehovah's Witnesses... Me: Do you have a moment to let me tell you about my sex life? Here, have this pamphlet."

"So, I got a card from a friend that said ""I'm Sorry"". It was all handcrafted and I didn't know what it was for, but I was flattered. I opened it and it said ""For fucking your mom"" :0 WTF!?!?!?"

"What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken"

"Can't believe tomorrow is Take Your Alcohol to Work Day."

"Why do squirrels swim on their back? to keep their nuts dry."

"Why did u shoot ur wife ? Judge:why did u shoot ur wife instead of shootingher lover? Methew:Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week."

"6yo: I wish I was a bird so I could poop on peoples heads. 7yo: why do you need to be a bird? my 7yo is ready for twitter."