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Joke of the Day

"I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check"

"What does a man with a cow under his nose have? A moostache (That was udderly terrible)"

"My sons having a few friends stay over tonight Hockey mask *check Chainsaw *check Hopefully this will be the last sleepover for a while"

"SCIENTIST: Behold The self-esteem powered car! Come take it for a drive ME: uh okay *gets in* [CAR JUST LITERALLY FALLS APART]"

"Ever meet one of these people that makes everything a competition? I've met more."

"We don't thank them enough for it, but it was really cool that the Black Eyed Peas realized what they were doing was wrong and stopped."

"What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Lentil? I wouldn't pay 200 to have a lentil on my face"

"What do you call a table with dots all over it? The periodic table!"

"Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're really good at it."

"How many vegan people does it take to change a lightbulb? One vegan, I am vegan, it was me - the vegan, I was the only vegan, it was me."