173279

Joke of the Day

"My Grandad woke up with a puzzled look on his face. The daft b*stard had fallen asleep on his jigsaw."

"Theoretically, you can't really complain if there's a pubic hair on your everything bagel."

"How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They only screw the poor."

"""Opinions are like assholes..."" ""... I like yours."" -SO this morning"

"[magic school bus] KID: where are we going today MS. FRIZZLE: the zoo KID: but last week we went to SPACE MS. FRIZZLE: im hungover, children"

"What did Simon's dad, Paul, say to his son to encourage him just before he went to compete in the National Leg Breaking Championships? ""Have a good one, son."""

"Simple Math Problem How does one become a .666 Humorist? http://i.imgur.com/DVvbS15.png"

"There's awkward, and then there's listening to a man try to have a conversation with his hairdresser."

"I went to the zoo. So I went to the zoo last week. It was such a bad experience. I paid 20 bucks and there was only 1 animal there. A dog. It was a shit zoo."

"You can tell a lot about a new neighbor by how they react when they find you hiding under their bed."