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Joke of the Day

"""Daddy, did you know Pluto was recently reclassified as a dwarf planet, or plutoid?"" ""Sweetie, I'm pretty sure he's a dog."""

"My girlfriend wants me to talk dirty during sex, but I feel weird swearing at a 12 year old."

"I adopted a rescue dog early this morning... But she hasn't saved anyone all day and she's peed in the house twice. This is bullshit."

"""That guy is such a douche-bag! Is he single? Maybe I can fix him!"" women"

"Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car? Because he was a car-case."

"I was going to make a documentary about my sex life but somebody else snatched up the rights to the title. TROLLHUNTER"

"So my friend told me the other day that he was gunna start studying abroad... ...but no matter how many times I asked, he wouldn't tell me her name!"

"The lifeguard caught me peeing in the pool, today. He shouted so loud I nearly fell in."

"I trick people that I know Spanish by quoting fragments of Spanish songs I know, la bamba."

"Q: What do you call a woman who marries an old ugly and poor man? A: Stupid!"