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Joke of the Day

"My mum made an accidental physics joke today. Me: What did you do today? Mum: Well, the builders that moved the garage came over and I paid them for their work done."

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"I got 99 problems, and I wish a bitch was one, because then that means I interacted with a girl and can brag about it to my stuffed animals."
"Stranger: Sir your fly is down... Me: Oh geez! Thanks. *Bends down and picks up fly* Me: He's had some wing issues lately"
"How did Hitler check the price of his clothes? He looked at the Reichstag."
"Aren't dad jokes great? I got a bad sunburn a week ago, and my skin is staring to peel of.I guess you could say that it's.....appealing"
"*popular kid is struggling in class *gets a tutor to help *Kool-Aid"
"Divorced Barbie. Q: What comes with the new Divorced Barbie doll? A: All Ken's stuff."
"What did Jesus say when he made his return? ""Hey guys! What's goin on? Tweet my return! #JesusReturns"""
"I just invented this new word! Plagiarism."
"It's Election Eve, Not Election and Steve!"