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Joke of the Day

"Tell me about your time in the pornography business It's a schlong story."

"I'm still disappointed that The Phantom Menace was never nominated for an Academy Award... ...for Best Animated Film."

"What's the difference between a horny man and a vampire? Vampires don't come inside without permission"

"I'm not Catholic, but I've given up picking my belly button for lint."

"What's the difference between an oral, and rectal thermometer? The taste."

"Adulthood: If I do the thing I like, I'll be too tired to do the thing I hate."

"My neighbors look so happy. We can fix that."

"Which 20th Century Business tycoon was a top? The one who could really Rock-a-feller"

"2016 took so many beautiful, talented men I've loved my entire life. Seems unfair that I still have to dodge my ex at the grocery store."

"Why haven't I ever met a full blooded jew? All of the ones I've met have just been Jew-ish"