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Joke of the Day

"When I'm horny, I stroll into rooms on all fours, with my ass shaking up in the air, meowing incessantly until someone throws a shoe at me."

"264 students died in a school fire... in Beijing earlier today. The most tragic thing was they all got out safely, ran around the building, and then ran back inside."

"[first time having sex] Me: are u sure u aren't too drunk? Couch cushion: ...."

"Why did the Storm Trooper decide to buy an Iphone? Because he couldn't find the Droid he was looking for."

"""Honey, it's time we talk to him about the roaches & the fleas"" ""You mean the birds & the bees?"" ""DEAR GOD WOMAN HAVE YOU SEEN HIS ROOM!"""

"I've come to the conclusion that these Paul Walker jokes aren't funny... Cause I called his family and told them 5 of my BEST ones. They didn't laugh at ANY of them."

"My son just announced ""I like snacks."" I'm off to draft a press release."

"What were those two people from VeggieTales? Oh yea, Barrackoli and Cucumberbatch."

"Somebody asked if I wanted some salt. I was like ""Naaaaa"""

"How far can you walk into the forest? Halfway, when you walk further then you will walk out of the forest! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH"