172351

Joke of the Day

"GYM Man: ""Can you spot me?"" Me: ""Sure"" Man: *Throwing down towel* ""Invisibility cloak my ass"""

"I make fun of people Instagramming their food, but I forget that, during the Renaissance, lots of artists were just painting bowls of fruit."

"Look at that bald man over there. It's the first time I've seen a parting with ears."

"[NSFW] A Jelly Baby goes to the Doctor... Jelly Baby: ""Doctor, Doctor, my penis has gone black."" Doctor: ""What have you been doing?!"" Jelly Baby: ""I don't know... Fucking allsorts!"""

"What is Mozart doing right now? Decomposing"

"Dear guys wearing skinny jeans, I... Can't.... Breathe.... Sincerely, your damn balls."

"Rude limerick anyone? There was a man from Leeds who swallowed a packet of seeds. Great tufts of grass grew out of his arse, and his balls were infested with weeds."

"What do you call a womans vagina after having a baby... ""Baby Gap"""

"How many tickles does it take for an octopus to laugh? Tentickles."

"It's days like these.... When a man wakes up, looks around and thinks ""Yup, times are a changin!"""