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Joke of the Day

"most vending-machine shaking incidents are elaborate coverups by people who don't want to be seen hugging the machine and saying i love you"

"The biggest cause of paedophilia in the world today... ...sexy kids"

"Have you read the book about anti-gravity? Much like that one book, Old Yeller, it's pretty damn hard to put down."

"What happens to a dog that keeps eating bits off of the table ? He gets splinters in his mouth !"

"If electricity is always directing itself to the least resistant, where would it go? The French"

"Q: Why do bees have sticky hair? A: They use honeycombs."

"Good thing some people show their bare chest in their profile pic, otherwise we wouldn't have known they had a torso."

"What do you call a black man who flies a plane? The pilot. ^^^^^You ^^^^^racist ^^^^^fuck."

"I had to take my horse to get surgery last week The doctor told me he's in stable condition"

"Barry? Yes Joe Can I borrow Air Force 1? I promised this girl we'd eat at the Pizza Hut in France No Joe *Biden slams fist* THIS IS BULLSHIT"