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Joke of the Day

"Why did Jesus come to Earth? To get to the other side. Ba dum tssshh"

"Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon."

"Shout-out to everyone who is struggling with establishing their identity. You know who you are."

"I went to a show at the zoo, but the monkeys went wild and stated flinging poo at everybody... What a shit show"

"[date] Her: so you're a mathematician? Me: no actually I'm a *pythagorean doves fly out of my sleeve and hit her in the face* mathemagician"

"- Do you want to have sex? - Don't you think you're going a little too fast? - Do......you......want......to......have......sex?"

"The quickest way to a woman's heart is with a scalpel, a bonesaw, a chest spreader, & ten cc's of nothing to lose."

"Guns put a Teddy Roosevelt in their barrel when they decide to commit suicide. Stolen from u/nikolaibk in the top comment thread ATM."

"What's the difference between a final exam and an orgy? In an orgy, you fuck and then get tested. In a final exam, you get tested and then you're fucked."

"Why was the garbage man afraid of the staff at the sex-change clinic? They give him the willies."