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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: what's going on? ME: [locking the door] I haven't had an apple in 3 days DOCTOR: [outside, stethoscope in hand] I can hear u breathing"

"a quick zinger If your uncle jack helped you off a horse, would you help your uncle jack off a horse?"

"Twitter handles are what would happen if the DMV let everyone put whatever they wanted on their license plates."

"What did one telepath say to the other telepath? Nothing."

"Hi, welcome to Starbucks! How can we spell your name incorrectly today?"

"If I have HIV I hope I find out from a Doctor, like Charlie Sheen did And not from the TV, like his ex girlfriends did."

"I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill."

"New BMWs don't have a dipstick located in the engine anymore They're now located in the driver seat"

"What's the difference between a punchline and a cute girl? Sometimes I get the punchline :("

"When you are hit in the... - ball boy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMMFHcRSjR8"