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Joke of the Day

"My wife is scrolling through Netflix to see what shows I watched between now and when she asked me to vacuum. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit."

"Pa's being chased by a bull! Well what in tarnation do you want me to do about it? Get me some film for my camera!"

"Do you want to hear a bad joke? *my life* Sorry if that was not likeable and miserable, *just like my face* Okay, I am going to stop before it gets too dark and too empty, *just like my soul.*"

"Why couldn't the watermelon get married in Vegas? Because his fiancee is a cantaloupe!"

"Did you hear about the ghost who got put in prison? He was charged with possession."

"What kind of bus can cross the ocean? A Columbus."

"A group of lions is called a pride. A group of my family members is called an embarrassment"

"What is Scooby Doo's favorite program language? Ruby Ruby Roo!"

"they'll never listen to us Wife: I lost my keys again Me: Its in your jeans Wife: Don't drag my family into this"

"GUY 1: I beat cancer GUY 2: I backpacked thru Europe GUY 1: So what? GUY 2: And I didn't tell anyone about it when I got back GUY 1: You win"