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Joke of the Day

"My wife is scrolling through Netflix to see what shows I watched between now and when she asked me to vacuum. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit."

"Repost! You're a fucking joke."

"Have you heard about the gay midget? He came out of the cupboard"

"I'm excited to announce that I've officially stopped using drugs for fun and solely use them to deal with the unrelenting pain of existence!"

"10 ways to cut down on click bait! 1. Don't click 2. Don't click 3. Don't click 4. Don't click 5. Don't click 6. Don't click 7. Don't click 8. Don't click 9. Don't click 10. Don't click"

"there are like 4 billion words in the english language but there's nothing quite so damning to someone's character as ""that guy sucks"""

"Why don't prostitutes vote? They don't care who gets in"

"How does good king Wenceslas like his pizza? Deep pan, crisp, and even."

"There are 3 types of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can't."

"Poured my cat some almond milk & now she has bangs & drives a Prius."