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Joke of the Day

"My friend told me the other day that every time he buys his girlfriend shoes he gets a blow job. Turns out he's head over heels."

"Let's pause this conversation until your Transition Lenses catch up."

"Q: What part of the road is always crying? A: The breakdown lane."

"How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogey in it"

"I had a bad donair earlier Now I falafel"

"How many Redditors does it take to change a lightbulb? 1000 One to change it and 999 to walk into the same room and change the same light bulb without checking to see if it needed changing first."

"The number one piece of advice I could give to fish is to stay hydrated."

"Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Teach a man to fire and he'll run for president."

"Wife: the library called about an overdue book *eye my copy of Outlandish Excuses for Everyday Life* ""Tell them I died in the moon wars"""

"What is the hardest part to eat in a vegetable? The wheelchair."