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Joke of the Day

"My friend told me the other day that every time he buys his girlfriend shoes he gets a blow job. Turns out he's head over heels."

"I've been keeping this a secret for almost a year now because I didn't want to lose friends: I don't work on Mondays."

"World of Warcraft. The only time I let my 9 year old play with a priest."

"Can I get an amen? Saw this today"

"I found a Squirtle in my pants & I'm not even playing Pokemon Go!"

"My professor just said that the particle of light is like a bullet... The black objects absorb more."

"Men are like prisms All that matters is length, width, and height."

"[job interview] ""So where do you see yourself in 5 years?"" Getting asked this question somewhere else"

"Whats the difference between Lance Armstrong and Hitler? Lance can finish a race."

"What do they use to pay for things in the Vatican? Paypal"