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Joke of the Day

"[job interview] ""So where do you see yourself in 5 years?"" Getting asked this question somewhere else"

"Big shoutout to the lazy, seven year old idiot who named Red Delicious apples."

"Cop: [knocks] Dinosaur: can I help you? Cop: we've had reports of small arms fire [Flaming T-Rex runs past screaming]"

"What do you get when Sleeping Beauty gives a lecture... What do you get when Sleeping Beauty gives a lecture on the Northern Lights to the people of Wonderland? Aurora boring Alice."

"I used to be dyslexic but now I'm KO"

"What do you call Nazis undergoing decomposition? Necrotizing Fascists."

"Where do Sith lords go to shop? The Darth Mall."

"Maybe ask the judge if your sentence is in dog years or regular years and they'll prob just laugh and let you go you got tweets to write man"

"What did the lesbian lumberjill say to her girlfriend? Have I got an ax to grind with you."

"How to lose weight - Doctor, I'm fat, how do I lose weight? - Just move your head from left to right and from right to left. - How many times , doctor ? - Every time someone offers you food."