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Joke of the Day

"Therapist: what would you say to your dad if he were alive today? Me: sorry for cremating you. I honestly thought you were dead"

"When a raccoon stands up and cracks his knuckles, stop shaving him immediately."

"NSFW My friend told me how much she hated sucking dick. I said I've never done it so I can't felate."

"I'm selling a parachute just as new, used only one time, didn't open once."

"What's the difference between a cactus and a BMW? I've never stuffed a BMW up my rectum."

"Why do Jamaican philosophers shit together? Because they discuss tings."

"My favourite joke - Two blondes are standing either side of a river, one asks the other ""how do you get to the other side?"" The other replies ""You are on the other side...?"""

"[NSFW] What's the difference between priests and pimples? Pimples only come on your face after you turn twelve."

"One Scot came back from work earlier then usual and saw plumber's car in the front of the house. - Oh my God I hope it is her lover."

"I went to a Zoo last week.... It had no animals there apart from one little dog!!!! It was a Shih Tzu"