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Joke of the Day

"You can't leave the aquarium with a penguin. It's a stuffed animal I got in the gift shop. Ma'am, it's moving. I GOT IT IN THE GIFT SHOP!"

"Yo momma,.. Yo momma is so stupid, that when they play *Do the brown* she thinks its *Dodo brown* and the bitch shits on herself each time."

"Damn Girl Do You Work At Subway? Cause you're making me a foot long."

"A man walks into a bar, and orders 10 times the amount of drinks as everyone else. The barman says ""now *that's* an order of magnitude!"""

"""Do you know how fast you were going?"" 75 in a 55. I'm sorry officer. ""Get out of the car."" *Cop cuddles driver* ""Stop doing this. I worry."""

"What kind of fruit is also a vegetable? Elton John in a coma."

"""Nice legs"" *Swipes right* ""Nice legs"" *Swipes right* ""Nice legs"" *Swipes right* ""Nice legs"" *Swipes right* - Spider tinder"

"A fun thing to do is go to the Facebook page of someone you've never met and ""like"" hundreds of photos of their baby."

"My dream woman has a special combination of inner and outer beauty and is, most importantly, too naive to know she's way out of my league."

"I started crossfit yesterday And my throat is killing me"