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Joke of the Day

"confession: when my barber spins me around and hands me a mirror to check the back I just fake it. Who is even that coordinated?"

"Q: What do you call a snake that makes a lot of noise when it eats? A: A slurpent."

"What did the Exponential Equation say to the Linear Equation? Real graphs have curves."

"""I am doing well."" - Russian man having sex with a well"

"So much mascara her eyes got stuck in the closed position. Too bad lipstick doesn't work that way."

"HEAR YE, MORTALS. AWAKEN FROM THY SLUMBER. FUCKERY DOTH PLAGUE THE LAND. TIS MINE DUTY TO- *falls off barstool*"

"I've never understood the whole 'burying people for fun at the beach'. The cops will just find the bodies when the tide comes"

"A lot of people make a big deal about age differences in couples. As far as I'm concerned a girl is fair game as soon as she's finished school. So usually at about 3:15"

"Q: Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license? A: ""Oh it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"""

"Yo mama is so fat...that she broke a branch in her family tree!"