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Joke of the Day

"I'm jobless. I'm making a career out of it."

"I tried to buy admission to the World-famous Knife Museum... ...but people kept cutting in line."

"""I don't think Gay Guys should be able to get abortions"" -Me when someone asks me a question that I don't know the answer to."

"What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? A thought."

"I like my women how I like my wine 12 years old and locked in the cellar"

"Every time I notice some loser has deleted me for being totally awesome, I wish that the small Asian from ""The Hangover"" would pop up on their screen and scream, ""Tooood-a-loooo muthaf$ckaaaaasss!"""

"Every night someone breaks into my house & dresses me for the next day. I guess I'd be more upset if it wasn't saving me time in the morning"

"My momma always said life was like a box of chocolates Nobody likes the black ones"

"They should fill the airbags with confetti to make car accidents more fun. *crashes vehicle* ""OMG, my legs! Hey, a party!"" *dies smiling*"

"What do you get when you cross a nymphomaniac with a kleptomaniac? A fucking thief!"