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Joke of the Day

"He said the spark between us was gone, so I tasered him. I'll ask him again when he wakes up."

"A job interview. What's your worst quality? Honesty. Well, i don't think that honesty is a bad quality.. I don't give a fuck what you think."

"Dad joke Do any of you, when going poop, say ""Get out of me you piece of shit!"" And then chuckle cuz it's a literal piece of shit?"

"Man, Helen Keller would have been fun to party with. She's always blacked out."

"Why can't an IT guy be a doctor? Nurse: Doctor, the patient's life support is acting strange. . . Doctor: Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

"Making plans with a stoner is like having sex with a prostitute... ...They tell you they're coming, but you know it's a lie."

"That moment when your crush is absent, and you wasted your time going to school."

"Overheard: ""Hey, I think that weirdo is listening to our conversation."""

"Knock knock. Who's there? To. To who? It's ""to whom."""

"My computer is so slow . . . . . . I get a progress bar when I copy and paste . . . text."