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Joke of the Day

"What did one snowman say to the other snowman? ""Do you smell a carrot?"""

"[God waking up with a hangover] last night was a blur. Whose prayers did I answer? [sees Trump leading in the polls] uh oh"

"*nose hairs growing out of control *buys tiny scissors *jam them in the eyes of whoever I catch staring at my nose hairs"

"Pokemon go should contact Hillary Clinton. I hear she has some servers"

"These hospital bills are killing me! I'm starting to think buying a hospital wasn't such a good idea."

"What are most people afraid of about Hilary Clinton? Her Penis"

"I asked my girlfriend to get me a newspaper... She said, ""Nobody uses newspapers anymore use my iPad"" and she was right, that spider died in one swing!"

"Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de bre."

"How did Harry Potter get down the hill? By walking. Jk rowling"

"My ex-girlfriend is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me! I want to go say hi but there's just so much history between us."