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Joke of the Day

"Why does George Bush not know how to read? Because he was a stupid twat who should have never become president."

"At what time does Sean Connery arrive at The Wimbledon? Tenish..."

"Two Centaurs Two centaurs are playing rough and things getting heated. Are they man-handling each other or just horsing around?"

"Me: You can just keep that pen. Coworker: Sure? Me: Yeah. I noticed you don't wash your hands in the restroom. Cw.. Me: I told everyone."

"Cop: did you do it? Me: no Cop: you know it's truthful Tuesday right? Me: it's actually Wednesday Cop: damn it, who's your crush then"

"Why do people tip cows? Their service isn't even that good."

"What do you call a search for small guitars? Uke hunt!"

"Interviewer: your resume says you were a waiter Me: yes that's right Interviewer: where at Me: out in the lobby right before this interview"

"I hope that Senator Franken runs for President in 2020 and picks Jill Stein as his running mate That'd be a real Franken/Stein ticket"

"There is no point of running away form a sniper. You will die from exhaustion."