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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: Please take the trash out ME: Ok *later that night* ME: I'm having a nice time TRASH: Wow, the food here is spicy AF"

"My girlfriend is sick of me pretending that I'm a transformer. Girlfriend: ""I'm sick of you pretending you're a transformer. I'm leaving you."" Me: ""No baby wait, I can change..."""

"Ever hear about the Jesus Bomb? Red bull and merlot"

"""Hey Dad, I'm going to the airport. Call me a taxi.' Dad : ""Hi taxi"""

"Hey waiters-I don't ever 'save room for dessert', I just stuff it in there and pray to God I don't have an accident."

"What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year."

"When people say ""surreal"" they mean ""real"", it's just most of your life is not very real, just repetition and routine."

"What do you call a blind German? A nazi."

"I like my women like I like my _____ (Fill in the blank)."

"Why did Prince Eric leave Ariel when she became a human? He was just chasing tail."