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Joke of the Day

"Nice try weed people... Are we just supposed to legalize anything that comes from the ground? What's next potatoes?"

"Do you know what really brings your face together? A really bad smell!"

"I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. Didn't want it waking the wife and kids."

"#ThatAwkwardMoment when you pretend to read your birthday card after the money has fallen out."

"The best part about being a grown-up is not having to answer to ANYONE! (What's that, honey? Be right there.)"

"Why did China lose WW2? Because their weapons were made in China"

"My prediction for the fight. I predict Mayweather with a massive right hook and an uppercut to finish it. Then once he's done practicing on his girlfriend, he will lose on points to Manny."

"What do you call an autistic kid that accidentally ate a pot brownie? A baked potato."

"For the past couple of years, I have been saying that the only holidays worth celebrating are the equinoxes and the solstices. I find all of the others to be astronomically unimportant."

"If a woman is in the woods, with no male around Will she still complain?"