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Joke of the Day

"You know how when you're in high school and you get ""senioritis"" and your brain shuts down? When does it come back on?"

"Drinking could cause memory loss. Or even worse, memory loss."

"What did Beethoven the dog shed in a moment of genius? Fur Elise"

"How many black people does it take to screw in a Lightbulb? 26. One to actually do the screwing, and 25 to mindlessly shout YAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS."

"Where does general keep his armies? In his sleevies."

"Why wasn't Hitler invited to the BBQ? Because he always burns the franks."

"I hate when people talk to me while I'm using the restroom, the other day, this guy was all like ""Sir this is a display model at Home Depot"""

"Husband & wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is liver & wife is kidney. If liver fails, kidney fails. If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney."

"Is it sad that the plans I make after work depend on how much charge I have left in my phone battery?"

"A little kid came up to me and said... ""I have two mommies."" ""Really?"", I said. ""Your parents are lesbians?"" ""No, my mom's just a schizophrenic."""