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Joke of the Day

"I spent two hours child-proofing my home. They still got in."

"Between hating pork and launching themselves into enemy structures, Al Qaeda were the original Angry Birds."

"I carry two crickets around in a small box so when I say something that isn't funny I can supply my own sound effects. They get real tired."

"What do you call an alien from Austria? Austalian"

"Whats better than roses on your piano? Tulips on your organ!"

"What's the difference between a Zippo and a hippo ? Ones a little lighter"

"Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals."

"There are 364 days until Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable..."

"Some people say that 9/11 was America's darkest hour but they got it backwards, 11/9"

"Why didn't the airline passenger check his vulture? Because it's a carrion bird."