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Joke of the Day

"What did the traffic light say to the car? Don't look! I'm changing!"

"I rang the wife last night after work to say I'd pick up fish and chips on the way home. I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins."

"I used to own a car that never seemed to run properly. It was a brokeswagen."

"Too drowsy to operate heavy machinery. Moving on to light firearms."

"Mood ring I got my wife a mood ring. When she's in a good mood it turns a beautiful shade of blue. When she's in a bad mood it leaves an ugly red mark on my forehead."

"Why did the chicken of the sea cross the road? Because a tuna can!"

"What's the difference between a Soap Opera and a Trailer Park? A Trailer park has much more interesting drama and less than a third of those pesky white teeth."

"my ex-gf had multiple personalities it was like having sex with a diff woman everynight except the time she turned into some guy named harry"

"This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart."

"Countries.. We used to have empires ruled by emperors. We used to have kingdoms ruled by kings. Now we have countries."