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Joke of the Day

"Hey, Johns, your parents thought about your name for about half a second."

"What do you call a fat psychic... ...a psychic you fat shaming cunt"

"What's the difference between a pizza and a homeless girl? I don't peel the crust off the pizza before I eat it."

"[death row] Guard: alright tough guy one last meal Me: a cyanide pill Guard: what? no we want to kill you! Me: too bad Guard: aw man"

"Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? He lay awake in bed all night, wondering if there was really a dog."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Caterpillar ! Caterpillar who ? Caterpillar a few mice for you !"

"""I had to keep a straight face."" -my bi friend who's in the closet."

"I nicknamed my girlfriend melody Because its loudest and always on top"

"I think LGBT sounds too much like a sandwich."

"An elf walks into a bar. (LOTR) The hobbit laughed and walked under it."