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Joke of the Day

"I don't have a Fitbit. But I have a couple of fat bits."

"What's the difference between a headmaster and a poisonous snake ? You can make a pet out of a snake !"

"Why are we making such a big deal about the wheels on the bus going round and round? They're wheels."

"There are three rings in marriage The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering."

"My friend told me he was terrified of pedophiles... I told him to grow up."

"""Dad, why isn't there chocolate meatloaf?"" - my brilliant 3 year old son Patrick"

"Vegetarians maliciously starve animals by competing with them for the same food."

"Did you hear about the Mexican Criminal trio? They got away from the scene without a tres."

"I don't have a drinking problem, if anything I'm too damn good at it."

"Pharmacist: need any help? Me: Yes, I'd like whatever Oprah was on when she gave each and every audience member a car"