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Joke of the Day

"My problem with profanity is that..... It's mother fucking dusgusting"

"Opinions are like orgasms... Mine is more important, and I don't really care if you have one."

"When a duck takes a selfie, it makes a lonely white girl face."

"Me: Can you believe that after all that crap they're still together!?! Friend: Who ? Me: My butt-cheeks"

"Good thing Father's Day is only one day. I don't think I could stand to be a father longer than that."

"Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away."

"Chris Brown only listens to his music.. on his Beats by Dre"

"I like to think that I'm a tiger... even though I'm a mere cat."

"Dracula Why is Dracula's favorite subject in school Math? Because he likes to Count."

"Holy shit a street psychic just stopped me & said I'm a special person who cares deeply about some things & I'm freaking 'cause that's SO me"