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Joke of the Day

"You know how I feel when I had sex with a rather large girl before she became extremely attractive? It's okay, because I fucked her before it was cool. *Throws on hipster glasses*"

"Why was Jimmy so excited to go to Clown College? He got a fool scholarship."

"What do you call a five year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor"

"*Getting a tattoo* Me(to tattoo artist)-Do you ever make the bzzz-sounds with your mouth when you're using a regular pen on your spare time?"

"Funny Lance Armstrong Joke I just heard that Lance Armstrong got his medals taken away from him for using drugs.. This is crazy because, when I do drugs.. I can't even find my bike."

"What does the British monarchy and yeast have in common? They're both inbred."

"What happens to a woman who falls down the stairs? Nothing, as long as she doesn't drop my beers"

"There's one nice thing about getting Alzheimers I'm making new friends every day!"

"Someone asked me who do I prefer ""Chris Brown or Rihanna?"" Chris Brown beats Rihanna every time."

"In the days before the Internet... did black people watch Cops to see what their family and friends were up to?"