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Joke of the Day

"A woman sends her logician husband to the shops. ""Get me a loaf of bread,"" she said, ""and if they have eggs, get me a dozen."" The husband returns from the shop with twelve loaves of bread."

"Peter Jackson just found a postcard JRR Tolkien wrote his nephew in 1938. He's turning it into 22 nine-hour films."

"I'm still waiting for the day my patents will say: ""It's all fake son, we're millionaires, this was just to teach you how to be humble."

"How do you know if someone is a vegetarian? He is going to tell you."

"Why do some people dislike twitch chat? It's just not their Kappa tea"

"No matter how bad it gets, you're always better than anyone fatter than you."

"Bloody Good Question How can you ever be late for anything in London? They have a huge clock right in the middle of the town."

"*one day before marriage* Parents: Don't talk to the groom. Don't see him. Don't think. *one day after marriage* Parents: BABIES, BABIESS!"

"Some people are looking for the meaning of life. I'm still looking for the meaning of I licky boom boom down."

"The only ghosts I'm afraid of are my google searches coming back to haunt me."