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Joke of the Day

"Familiarity with a stranger might mean they're an old soul you knew in a former life. But it's more likely a sociopath. ~Inspirational"

"What do you call a silly, apathetic German boy? Agoofaloofagus"

"If you pluck a hair out of Hitler's head... ...do you now have a root of all evil?"

"What's the difference between an Irish Catholic and a Roman Catholic? A few notches on the belt buckle."

"I'm not usually vengeful, but when I am it's because someone gave my kid a whistle."

"What do girls and snowflakes have in common? They can't drive cars."

"Friend: check out my conscience shell Me: you mean conch? *holds up to ear* Shell: you saw those kids get in that van and you did nothing"

"[end of a job interview] Interviewer: Any questions? Me: If you could become half robot, would you do it? Him: Me: Him: Which half?"

"My dating life"

"A classics professor goes to a tailor... ... to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: ""Euripides?"" The professor replies: ""Yes. Eumenides?"""