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Joke of the Day

"What did Lincoln say on the last night of his life? ""Aw shit Mary, I need to go see a play tonight like I need a hole in the head..."""

"Yesterday in the World Cup, England beat Germany for the first time in recorded history. In fact, it's the first time England has won anything on the 4th of July."

"Tweeting this from the bathroom because it's the 21st century and that's what we do now."

"If I rape a prostitute, Is it shoplifting?"

"Donald Trump is losing support from Republicans He is considering joining the Whig party."

"How did Hitler like his orange juice? Reposted. No? OK. Concentrated."

"A kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette & told him so was talking to strangers."

"when asked about the future of artificial intelligence.... some people say it will be a catastrophic cataclysmic calamity.... and some people say that's what she said."

"I always carry a flashlight with me. That way, if someone locks me in their car trunk, I can entertain myself with cool shadow puppets."

"What do you call an environmental bicyclist? A recyclist."