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Joke of the Day

"I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind man. Then my stupid boss told me I'll never be a bus driver again."

"Whoever taught my five-year-old daughter how to ""air quote,"" I need to speak with you privately."

"I slept with a pharmacist who could come in 10 seconds... Problem is, it took her 30 minutes to count to 10 (Made this up last night while waiting 30 minutes for 10 pills)"

"The problem with protests... Is that once things start to get lit, the cops show up and ruin it."

"I know one more duck joke! Santa Clause to the snow man: give me the carrot or I am going to blow dry you! (Ok, this one doesn't work in english)"

"What do you call a writer who feels like they've been born in the wrong body Transcribe"

"When you're in the shower, and you hear loud thumps and you think ""THEY'RE KILLING MY FAMILY, AND I'LL HAVE TO FIGHT THE ATTACKER NAKED"""

"A blind man walks into the bar... And the table... And the chair..."

"Did you hear the one about the two guys who voted no? Neither did aye."

"[first day as diving instructor] Guy [from the back]: what's the signal for a shark Me: sharks don't really give signals they just show up"