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Joke of the Day

"I showed my 3-year-old Star Wars. It blew his mind. Seriously, how do you reboot a kid? Or should I just get a new one?"

"The real oldest yo mama joke... ...yo mama"

"People who buy copious amounts of everything before a blizzard: Is there nothing in your house every other day of the year?"

"The wife's insisting I quit my job, because she thinks it's cruel we've started testing our new products on rabbits. She's got a point, I suppose... I work in a hammer factory."

"[first date] HIM: Can I call you sometime? HER: [slowly slides napkin over phone] You can't... I lost my phone"

"Before my coffee this morning, I was a flying lizard's butt . . . . . . dragon ass."

"How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25? Only once, and then you are subtracting it from 20."

"What the #1 thing every guy looks for in a woman? His dick..."

"What's brown and sticky. A stick."

"Why does Tiger Woods bring an extra pair of socks while golfing? In case he gets a hole in one."