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Joke of the Day

"What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water? It may take me a while to get hardI just got laid last night."

"Don't worry if you are spending the Christmas all alone because everyone will eventually die xD"

"Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it was stuck in a crack!"

"Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? He uses the best ingredients, you cruel bastards."

"I'm so terrible at Chess. The only way I'll ever get to say ""Checkmate"" is if I eat at a restaurant in Australia."

"I walked into a room full of people masturbating They looked surprised when I didn't stop"

"Accidentally walked into the women's bathroom, went ahead and peed sitting down so it wouldn't be awkward for anyone."

"*Me & dog* *duel for the last piece of chicken* *tosses a stick to distract* *fetches the stick* *chicken is gone* Well played Peanut...!!"

"Asked to switch seats. I wanted to switch seats on the plane last week because of a crying baby. The stewardess said no... just because it was my baby"

"I went to Church for the first time last week. I asked my cousin: ""So, when does the Priest do his magic trick?"" ""What?"" ""You know, making the altar boy disappear under his robe."""