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Joke of the Day

"[eharmony] based on your responses, your perfect match is a trashcan.. [me] aww [eharmony] ..full of raccoons [me] omg I love raccoons"

"what's a pirate's favourite letter? you may think it's R, but his true love be the C!"

"What is a great game for unvaccinated children? Marco Polio"

"The boss accused me of taking a drink during lunch, but he is completely mistaken, I paid for all three of them."

"Why was Hitler born on 4/20? His mom wanted him to blaze it"

"As a kid, the thing that used to annoy me about going to church was all the standing up and sitting down and kneeling... I wish the priest could just pick a position and fuck me."

"Did I ever post my Alzheimer's joke?"

"The funny thing about fast food is, that it slows down the people who eat it."

"Gather round children, and let me tell ye the story of the black forest ham"

"A joke I wrote in the style of Mitch Hedberg... I'm gonna change my name to 'marriage,' man. That way, all those girls out there can be saving themselves for *me*!"