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Joke of the Day

"There was a king with three cups. He filled the first cup. He filled the second cup. But he left the third cup empty. What was the kings name? King Philip the Third."

"Don't call it traditional marriage if it doesn't improve relations with neighboring fiefdoms"

"Clark Kent: Only kryptonite can kill me. Perry: What do you mean? Can't regular things kill you? Clark: Oh shit. Which guy am I right now!?"

"What do you do if you come across an elephant in the jungle? You wipe it off and say sorry."

"Everyone knows you can tell a criminal is lying if his lips are moving, but how do you know when a cop is lying? His pen is moving."

"DOCTOR: ""Ok, now PUSH!"" WOMAN IN LABOUR: ""Should I be doing this in my state?"" DR: [leaning out of car window] ""Less talky, more pushy."""

"What do u call an ethopian with a slice of cheese on his head? A quarter pounder with cheese."

"Did you hear about the football offensive coordinator who was republican? He was a conservative playcaller."

"So my kid secretly recorded me driving and singing and put it on social media if you needed to know how important birth control is today."

"I don't care about heaven when I die I just want to know which words I used the most and how many bears I unknowingly walked by &other stats"