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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an American linguist, philosopher, cognitive scientist, logician, political commentator, social justice activist, and anarcho-syndicalist advocate who doesn't eat ham? NO-HAM CHOMPSKY"

"Why didn't Russia return the NSA whistleblower to the United States? He was Snowden."

"What's a mass in your body that is really helpful? A cyst!"

"Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime; teach a man to catfish and he can trick some perv in Omaha into sending him rent money."

"I will be watching Santa's journey on Norad's website very carefully this year. If he goes to West Africa before coming to the UK, I'm bricking the chimney up."

"There was a contest for the best pun. I submitted ten puns. I hoped that one would win, but... No pun in ten did."

"Me: Sometimes I think I have more imaginary conversations than real ones. Scarlett Johansson: That's very interesting."

"Listen Target, I always try products before I buy them and if that means dry humping the shit out of your body pillows in aisle 9, so be it."

"I got irradiated recently... I like to think it adds to my glowing personality."

"Who supports Romney Bernie Madoff"