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Joke of the Day

"Tomorrow I am going to open the time capsule I buried as a kid. I can't wait to see how big my puppy got"

"What would Kim Jong-Il be doing if he was still alive today? Scratching at the lid of his coffin."

"My advice is to make money the old fashioned way (by intercepting Spanish galleons transporting gold from the New World)."

"Difference between jam and jelly You can't jelly your cock in a girls ass"

"Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?.... the holocaust"

"TEBOW FEVER!! I haven't seen this many people following a white bronco since OJ!!!!! Ba-ha-ha!!"

"Come a little closer so I can push you away. Women"

"My favorite part of The Bachelor is when a crazy emotional girl starts crying and he'd rather kiss her snot-nosed face than listen to her."

"I need to start buying Tupperware to store my leftovers before throwing them out two weeks later."

"What is the Great Gatsby's favorite superhero? Green Lantern. His least favorite? Deadpool."