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Joke of the Day

"My dog left me christmas present under the tree I had to clean it up"

"If alphabets were neo-feminists... x - ""Did you just assume my number"""

"That moment where you playfully punch a kid in the grocery store, and only afterwards realize it wasn't yours."

"What do you call in-flight pilot training? Air conditioning."

"What runs forever and never dies? An argument with a woman! And I'm in one right now."

"What's the difference between jam and marmalade? You can't marmalade your dick up someone's ass"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Because this joke was so bad, even Dane Cook wouldn't steal it."

"I guess it goes without saying that I'm the Han Solo of Twitter, and you guys are Ewoks. Not even the Ewoks with names. Background Ewoks."

"I know this is the kind of thing everyone avoids talking about, but I'm going to say it. I think I'm smarter than most, if not all, babies."

"Your mama is so fat ... She broke the stairway to heaven."