165138

Joke of the Day

"Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman? A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub."

"What's the difference between a suicidal ghost hunter and a weaboo alcohol taster? One drinks bleach and watches spirits; the other drinks spirits and watches Bleach."

"Why are emo people so good at ping-pong? Because they are well practiced in cutting."

"If I had a penny... ...for every time people screwed up their punchline. I'd be one penny richer now."

"Pilots sure do like dick holes... Sorry, im just testing out my new thesaurus"

"""A parent's only as good as their dumbest kid. If one wins a Nobel Prize but the other gets robbed by a hooker, you failed."""

"""I'd like to make a large cash deposit"" teller: ok, how much do you have? ""Wow can't a guy just share his dreams without being pressured?"""

"[puts puppy in microwave] [googles instructions for making hotdogs] [quickly releases puppy from microwave]"

"On Christmas morning I want to eat Eggs Benedict out of a hubcap. Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."

"My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can't carry 23 items in my arms through the store."